Is this a brainstorm or just some cloudy thinking?
Brings me back to the times when I was binge drinking.
Unwilling to think my way back into this redundancy.
This is unfair to me, I'm not on track or where I was supposed to be.

I know all about the saying "things can always get worse".
It took me over an hour to compose this O.C.D. verse.
Still parched and in thirst, I need to rehearse.
Often when I think, my brain patterns invert and become adverse.

And so I immerse myself once again in deep thought.
Feeling like I tied my life in a knot, with all the narcotics I bought.
Now clean and sober, when rehab ends, life begins.
When I was "Gone" I didn't need to sit here, contemplating these things.

All of this is now coming to a head, still wish I was dead.
And I'm in over my head (again).
All I feel is drained.
Pain over-sustained,
My life is forever stained with no chance to re-gain
The paradise I once maintained.

Time to turn the page and expose my self inflicted rage.
Once again, trapped in a cage.
I shouldn't be rapping at my age.
I feel I should be further along, down the page.
Trying to cope with reality without my tendencies to disengage.

Like Jon Bon Jovi, I'm Wanted Dead or Alive.
My only chance to survive is to thrive
and strive to make it through this
I'm gonna' max out my hard drive.
Somewhat deprived, I'll take a blind dive...

And deprive myself of more sleep, food and blood.
These are the dark thoughts I was speaking of.
When I was younger, I used to be a stud.
We cry ourselves rivers that turn into floods.

And what is the recon on this reconsideration?
Palmed digi recorders that record information.
I just bought a new MacBook and wishing I'd bought that Playstation.
In seven long years, I've never had a vacation.

And time flies by like a bird in the sky
crashing into the window, "hello little birdie and goodbye".
Sometimes you can't see what you run into.
Maybe I've bitten off more than I can chew.

The pain inside, no doctor can describe
or give meds to prescribe, so I follow through and blindly abide
to all the narcotics pumped into my system.
Will this mess up my unborn children?
If you have a gift will you ever experience true freedom?

Permanent darkness has it's bright side.
When it's hell to be alive, you adapt to survive.
Maybe you don't thrive,
you just walk into the void, where those dead birdies flied.

Is English a language or an art?
If I speak correctly, does that make me smart?
db has become a new start for me.
I make about fifteen cents off of every mp3.
Welcome to the music industry.