After college, sex became robotic.
Long and forgotten after all our baggage.
Two years in a long distance relationship,
since we were teens we promised each other we'd never quit...
on each other, flash forward
a few hits of ecstasy has solved all our relationship problems.
Paradise, in 2007, now signed to a record label,
putting out the most pristine of my vinyl albums.

Cutting bass tracks in my prime.
Agata begins to unwind and I decide to snort some more lines.
Then I just keep building snowmen,
work out, then fuck her again and again and again.
Without the ecstasy, it was all up to me.
This is the only time I feel free or even feel good to be me.

Cloudy eyed in the morning at seven AM
Back to my job, shove some blow up my sinuses again.
Stay up all night,
then hit up a few lines and start the day over again.
DJ-ing on weekends.
The party never ends.

I couldn't see what was happening around me.
My marriage disintegrated into a flow of
"his and hers" internet pornography
I just wish I'd looked up from my computer for a second to see
what was happening to Agata and me.

2010 on anti-depressants and with mental health problems.
I rush into work, feeling sick and running out of money options.
Then she was gone.
I texted her my dark and lonely thoughts.
The kind that only belong in a db song.

I feel empty inside and out.
No one left to shout at so I begin to cut
and drink and drink myself into a state where I can't even think.
Stagger around my house half blind,
leading to a series of decisions turned deadly I can never leave behind.

Then the cops showed up at my home.
I begged and pleaded, I'll come with,
just please don't put the cuffs on.
But within minutes of opening that door, I was cuffed and gone.
Once the cuffs were on, my thrashing began, I stated to fight.
And bash my head in which would continue all night.

Wondering what fifteen years of a promise is worth.
Apparently nothing,
when I was down, she booted my face in the dirt.
Aggression filled with an obsession,
to leave the snowmen alone.
I wish it wasn't too late, but I quit the whites
by drinking my way into a patchy tapestry I'd sown.

I had no clue for what I was in for.
On something this destructive, it's hard to put a spin.
Restraints that I was put in.
Self destruction, so drunk I felt no more pain.
I just got angrier the more I became restrained.

Now afraid of the dark,
and can't sleep alone.
My home is no longer my home.
I did a lot of things in that time that I'd prefer remain unbeknown
to anyone who might be reading this
Three AM, time for me to break, cease and desist.

I'm no longer that angry.
So why R.T.E.?
What does it even mean to me?
Social re-integration, well in retrospect... maybe.
Baby steps are no longer just for babies.
God only knows, unlike you, I'm not a role model.
Am I running head first into Another Brick In The Wall?
Maybe I'll get lucky, stumble again and fall into
a suburban, midlife crisis, white boy emo rap that seems to fix it all.